I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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