Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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