I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
