I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
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