Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
