elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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