Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Randomize
