i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
love makes seman taste better
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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