You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
