My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
