God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
