I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
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