I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Randomize
