Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
