my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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