I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
My dick has a subreddit
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Randomize
