About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Randomize
