so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
