Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
