The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
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