Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
