"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Randomize
