I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
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