In the future we'll all be gay
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
