There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I accidentally burped into my bong.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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