i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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