sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Randomize
