my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
