i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
