My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
sex in a hospital.. check
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
