Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
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