What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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