Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize
