Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
i think i have two assholes
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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