I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
