Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
