I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Randomize
