So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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