and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
