I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
we made out on top of his cat.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
