Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
