fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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