This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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