1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!�
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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