Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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