im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
