Your face is a jimmy john
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
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