so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
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