Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
You are a genius and a whore.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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