True but thats because hes a fetus.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
